My Flabbermouth Series

Swirls of colour

I have been wondering what I can do to keep my blog interesting while I continue to write the sequel to “A Hairdresser’s Diary “

http://www.ahairdressersdiary.com/Home_Page.php

So I thought I would post some of the stories I am writing called “MY FLABBERMOUTH SERIES” ( flabbermouth is my word for foot in mouth moments that leave one flabbergasted ) these are true events that have happened in my life over the last 50 years. I hope you enjoy reading them and at least get a chuckle. In some cases those who know me personally these might bring back a memory or two.

Chapter One

I am what the world classifies as the queen of ‘flabbermouth.’ I am always saying something at the wrong time or in the wrong place. I am the unpaid family clown making everyone laugh although most times it is not planned.

My kids would say, “Oh it is just one of mom’s ‘flabbermouth’ moments again.” The sad part for me, but the entertaining part for my friends and family, is that I don’t realize what I had said until it is pointed out to me. Then even I can’t believe I said it.

Poor Ron just shakes his head in embarrassment or disbelief. One would think after so many years he would get used to me right? Wrong.

I love to cook and experiment with many different dishes. Each member of my family has their favourites and on this particular night it was Ron’s turn to have his choice. – Breaded deep-fried squid.- Yuk! As much as I didn’t like the cleaning, cutting, feel and look of these creatures, I sucked it up and did the dirty deed. I made Ron his favourite no matter what the sheer yukkies did to me. The kids teased me that the tentacles looked like baby spiders, so that didn’t help the situation in the least. The thing I detested more than squid was any type of creepy spiders.

Passionately I cleaned, and then cut (into perfect sized rings) I floured, battered and fried these discussing looking morsels. All the time working with my nose turned up. Every so often taking the time to reminding Ron how much I must love him, to do this wonderful loving thing for him.

Now the moment of truth, the taste test. Was it up to par? I had the squid all set out on a nice white dish with condiments ready for him to dig in. If I say so myself, it was a very appetizing looking dish. The kids each took a fair-sized portion and started to eat, when Douglas said, “Dad don’t the tentacles look like spiders? Annoyingly, I told him to stop talking and eat. I gave a shudder. Ron looked over at him and smiled. The most devilish smile I have seen in a while. Winking at the kids, he picked up one of the tentacles and placed one hanging out of the corner of his mouth. He then started to chase me around the house and into the back yard. As I ran, I was squealing for him to stop. My neighbour Delores who was outside watering her lawn hollered to me, “Why are you squealing?”
Out of breath, I pointed and said, “Ron is chasing me with his testicles hanging out of his mouth.”

With a curious look on her face she said, “Oh my, how talented he is” and started to laugh hysterically. Before long, it was going around the small neighbourhood how gifted my hubby was. I was teased, for a very long time. Some snickered and one friend made reference to the ‘squid on sale.’Some of those friends even pretended to have something sticking out the corner of their mouths teasing me unmercifully. That was until I did or said something else which made them forget that ‘flabbbermouth’ moment for another.

All the teasing was in fun. I however have not lived this one down. Even to-day when my kids or Ron sees squid. I think I can hear them say, “She’s not the brightest bulb on the tree.” But, we love her. Lol. This is something I have never doubted.