Yesterday I was a very angry, tear soaked nutcase. I have just had surgery for cancer on my back and I have a very large incision that is still healing. This was my 29th procedure and the third this year. That did not include the three pieces they removed for biopsies. So wed I went to my family Dr for few problems I am having due to the surgery. Having to lay on my left side for five weeks as the incision was on my right side was so very painful. I had just last year had surgery on my left shoulder for a rotator cuff tear. I had a bad fall. At the same time I tore the meniscus in my right knee and the rotator cuff in my left shoulder. At least I tell people I was well balanced no favoritism.
So you will ask,”Why not lay on your back or stomach?” I will answer that. “I have has several back surgeries that make laying on my back or stomach very painful. I can only lay on my sides.
Now back to my Drs appointment. I was complaining about my left leg being numb or having a horrible burning sensation all the time. Also the fact my stomach was so very swollen and painful. After explaining the leg issue was due to my back being a mess and pressure on the nerve. The Dr explained that some of the pressure would be released now that my incision was healing and I could lay on the right side for awhile. Ok, so I could handle that. So now I wanted him to look at my swollen painful abdoman. I was hearing all the reasons I should have the swelling. The fact I only have half of my thyroid as the other was removed because it was cancerous, and the half I have is not working up to par. He explained how the many years of medication caused my organs to swell and the large hiatal hernia added to the swelling. I told him I knew all of that but why the pain? The deep internal pain.
After further examination and as he was helping me up off the exam table he stopped and very surprised said.”You have a large abdominal hernia!” It was not visable until I tightened my stomach musles. He went on to tell me the other pain I was having was probably due to ovarian cancer. OMG! Tearfully and in shock I asked what we were going to do? I immediately added, “But I had a hysterectomy 40 years ago.”
He nodded his head as he explained,”But they left you with one ovary.”
I could hardly breath. How could this be? Almost in a whisper I asked . “What now?”
Well he said we will start with tests ASAP and we will see you in a week. He then asked if I liked the Drs at the cancer clinic I just went to. Stunned I nodded my head yes. His next words floored me he said. “I was expecting the next cancer would be found in your breast as there is so much in your family.”
Shaking I said.”I guess the other two spots I need you to look at will have to wait right?”
“Yes.” He said.
I reach up and touched the one on my face and the one on my arm, thinking how unimprotant these little ones are.
As I walked out to the van I was asking God,”WHY? Could I not have a breather in between?”
After some reflection and prayer I think I know why. I think my journey will help someone else. God is testing me again and I pray I will pass with flying colours. I have called upon my guardian Angels and I am asking for all of you to set aside a prayer or two for my upcoming trials. My favourite saying is ,”That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I am scared and I don’t know if I will be able to handle any more cutting. Soon I will look like a patterned quilt.
If I can help anyone else deal with simular trials I am here for you. Please just ask.